Separation is harsh without resources

Highlights of the NFJO’s Report on Separated Families

The report was based on in-depth qualitative data from 42 people – 16 mothers, 14 fathers and 12 children from Wales and south-west England. Some had experience of family courts. This is from “Key findings” (pages ii-iv):

Separation is a process, not a single event

… The decision to separate came after a considerable amount of emotional and relational effort had been used.
Legal formalisation rarely marked the end of the relationship, whereas living apart, and managing the ongoing emotional and financial aspects, were more salient in parents’ experiences. …
For children, the separation was never complete and … [their] wishes and feelings also changed over time …

Resources make a difference to the separation process

Experiences of separation were significantly shaped by access to resources….
Those with more material resources had increased options for managing the separation. …
Those without access to such resources struggled much more in protecting their children from the impact of separation. …
Emotional and relational resources were also key to being able to negotiate with ex-partners.
When parents found it hard to manage their distress, conflict and tension could become entrenched, making it more difficult to manage the separation.

Children and young people want to have their voices heard in the separation

The separation of parents affected children both emotionally and practically in their everyday lives. It was an upsetting time …
Children and young people told us they had little information or participation in decisions that affected them. …
Parents aimed to prioritise and protect children through the separation process. … However, some reflected on how difficult this was while in emotional distress.

Parents’ expectations of support are not always matched by their experiences

Parents appreciated the emotional support they received from counselling, … [but] mediation was a frustrating and sometimes distressing experience …
… there were significant barriers to access [to solicitors] because of the cost and unavailability of legal aid. .. parents tried to avoid this route because of concerns about potential repercussions in the relationship.
Parents and children valued support that was characterised as accessible, informative, realistic and emotionally aware.

Reflections and recommendations

Parents and children valued support … [but]
Who got what support was quite haphazard … Policy developments should consider how a ‘safety net’ of support can be developed for separating families …
Parents worked to protect their children from the distress of the separation, but this did not always match up with what children said they needed … More thought needs to be given about how parents are supported to help their children …
The findings concerning mediation suggest we need to think more carefully about the binary model of court or mediation. … develop offers beyond mediation to focus more on advice, guidance and emotional support for parents and their children.
Court was commonly treated by parents as a last resort rather than as a preferred means of resolving disputes .. Parents felt it was an alien and intimidating environment with unfamiliar processes … felt to be more negative by parents and children alike.