Calling off the divorce
Newspapers tend to focus on the conflict of famous couples divorcing. Costly legal battles about money, property, blame and the children. But here’s a report about couples who start out on a divorce and then decide to call it off. The news is: we’re finding better ways.
“There was a reawakening of what was more valuable than anything, which is my love for my family,”
Sylvester Stallone, September 2022
Fewer couples are formally tying the knot. But that doesn’t mean untying a relationship is easy. Untying parental ties is usually the last thing that the children want or need.
As well as the celebrity couples who’ve called their divorce off, figures show that ordinary couples too, are aiming to make a proper go of things before getting lawyers involved.
Learning better ways
“Un-divorcing” may be a sign of “emotional intelligence”: realising that the pain of splitting up would be worse than the work of staying together. Or it may be “financial intelligence”: the cold realisation of exactly how much a divorce can cost. For the rich or poor, it’s a huge waste of your money if it ends up in the pockets of lawyers.
Rather than lawyers, couples can find much better help from marriage counsellors, divorce coaches and personal therapists. A good divorce lawyer anyway aims for a collaborative outcome. A post-nuptial agreement or “reconciliation contract” can put a couple’s mind at rest – setting out plans in case reconciliation fails.
One expert’s advice for couples who are thinking of separating is to think of it like running a business.
“Couples need to be really explicit about their commitments to each other in terms of how they divide childcare or domestic duties, just like they would if they were running a business together.
Susie Masterson, relationship therapist
That’s good advice that reduces strife and lawyers – even before couples get together and have children.
